Life without Paxil

It’s been well over a year now since I’ve been off my Paxil.  Even though I had read a lot of horror stories about quitting, I didn’t have any problems, and to be honest I was thinking about asking my doctor to take me off anyway, but man, I miss the stuff.  Especially this month.  Christmas is so freaking hard for me, the whole month is hard for me.  I know my social “phobias” are back with a vengence.  I realized that the day I had a massive panic attack at work (while I was still working in the hospital, before I came home to work).  I’ve been having a lot of anxiety per se for the past 6 months or so, but they’ve steadily gotten worse and worse.  The one that day was the worst one yet.  Tonight while Steve was in Chicago I asked Meg to come over and stay here all night.  I just couldn’t stand the thought of being alone all night, even though I have to work and I have 4 marvelous canine companions.  When Steve told me he had to go (about 2 weeks ago) I actually cried at the thought of having to be home alone.  I have no idea what that’s about.  I know I felt like I was on the edge of a cliff the entire week he was gone deer hunting.  The relief when he got home was almost palpable.  I’m already dreading next October. 

The physical things are starting to come back too.  I constantly feel like I have a lump in my throat and I can’t take a deep breath.  Exactly like when I started taking the Paxil.  I think that my fibro is affected by my psychological well being (or lack thereof) too, I seem to be actually in more physical pain with different kinds of pain than I had before.  I feel like going to the doctor is absolutely a waste of time for this.  I know all I’ll hear is, “Everything is fine.”  “All the tests are negative”.  Why bother?  I also know Dr. A won’t put me back on Paxil – he says it’s total bad news, I agree after all the reading I did about it, but what I wouldn’t give to feel at least a little bit like my old self.  I’m taking 300 mg of my antidpressant, I’m not feeling so much the depression any more as I am the anxiety.  Xanax totally knocks me out, so I wonder what my other options could be?  I’m thinking of joining a gym or workout center again.  I know that physical activity will make me feel better.  That an joining Jenny Craig has been on my mind lately.  Maybe it’s time I just did something for myself that I feel good about.  Huh.  Imagine…

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3 Comments

Filed under Life in General

3 responses to “Life without Paxil

  1. Thank you for your words of sympathy on my blog. I love the pic at the top of yours!

  2. You know, you and I could be the same person. I have the some of the same issues with anxiety. FUN! Hey kids, look at the crazy ladies!

    I took Effexor for about 2 years after my nervous breakdown. It was great, I felt happy, controlled and better able to deal with my life at that time.

    I went off about 3 years ago, because life had changed and calmed down. It was hard coming off because I decieded to go cold turkey….not such a good choice, but had I stepped off, it would have been better.

    Effexor also does not cause you to gain weight like Paxil and does not make you sleepy like Xanax–and it’s good for depression and anxiety. I will say this, it does dampen the libido a bit, but not too much. I also have a friend who loves Wellburtin, she swears by it.

    Anyway, hope you get thru, I feel you on the phobias and the general holiday insanity that is approaching. I just hope that with the help of my wonderful husband and mother that my extended family won’t drive me to drink and that all of my holidays will be happy…..or at least that I won’t be commiting murder or slashing tires….now that’s merry!

    Talk to you later…..Eden

  3. Meg

    Have you tried Buspar?

    I took it for a while…it made me bite my nails, but other than that, it helped.

    Just a thought!

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